Why am I not extraordinary?

For as long as I can recall, I've wished to somehow be "extraordinary."

1) As a young girl, I wondered why the Virgin Mary didn't appear to me - wasn't I good enough?  I tried so hard to "pray right" - to prevent my thoughts from wandering and think carefully about each word in the three prayers I said nightly so that I could actually mean it.

2) As a young adult, I thought my life was sufficiently "interesting in a messed up way" that I would be a Psychology case study.

3) When I first started my Spiritual Studies, I wished so badly to have "psychic abilities" (I guess that goes hand-in-hand with #1).

4) When I read about past lives and aliens, I tried to "will" in me the ability to move across space, time, dimensions, and realities to remember.

I've taken courses and read books on a variety of topics on the human experience, and these are some of the things I believe without hesitation:
- Human form is a manifestation of my true nature as pure Energy
- Energy can take on many forms and vibrates at numerous frequencies
- Higher vibrational frequencies are "felt:" the higher the frequency, the lighter the feeling (and vice-versa)
- Human form is not the only form I've taken: I have manifested in physical form on other world(s)
- Spiritual Guides, Ascended Master, and alien species are all real to me, although I have no proof of this other than their existence makes sense to me
- Earth is a living being and she is making a transition in energy

It's not my intent to list all my beliefs here, just to set the tone for the rest of this post.

So if I do believe all these things, why am I not able to see these things my own eyes?  Why can't I remember past lives or experiences aboard space crafts?  Why don't I see "apparitions" of my guides?  Why can't I see auras?  What am I not extraordinary?

All the courses I've taken and books I've read focus on "the other side" and how to "rise above" the human experience and its suffering.  I've tried to be enlightened and Zen about this whole living thing, but it just doesn't work for me.  So what am I doing wrong?

Well, maybe I'm not *meant* to be enlightened and Zen about being human; maybe my job is to be fully present in this human experience.  What if I don't have to be fully Zen and always "Miss Perfect who does no wrong"?  What if I'm supposed to be just like everyone else in this sense.  I like this... I officially give myself permission to be fully human, meaning:
- It's ok to be judgmental of other drivers, so long as they and I stay safe (no giving the finger just because their driving sucks)
- It's ok to need external validation once in a while - it's human nature!!
- It's so very ok to indulge in yummy fried food or meaty morsels - no vegetarian, raw, and/or liquid diets for me!

At the same time, I recognize and embrace my role in this time and place as:
- Bridge: I am human so that I can connect other humans
- Filter: I draw energy from Source, convert it to "humanphilic" form, and radiate it

So, that's why I'm not extraordinary - at least in the way I was looking to be.

Peace and Love,
Serenity Joy

Relationships and Lightworkers

It is not until you have the courage to engage in human relationships that you grow. ~ Gary Zukav


On the same day of this message from Gary Zukav, I had my first Lightworker-to-Lightworker interaction with a co-worker at my "day job."  I'll refer to him as "Z".  Z told me about a friend whom he described as being afraid of being in a relationship... essentially, Z's statement mirrored the very message Gary Zukav was posting.

In a parallel vein, I've been concerned that as I seek to raise my vibrational frequency to match the Earth's evolution, I may "leave my husband behind."  Hubby isn't into spiritual work - he's very much a person of five-sensory empirical evidence.  He respects me and loves me enough to not judge or criticize my spiritual pursuits, but he doesn't really want to be a part of it.

Does this mean he'll "stay behind" when the Shift happens?  Fortunately, the answer is a resounding "No."  Here's my evidence:

1) Hubby loves me in a way I had never experienced before.  Because of his love, I've been better able to connect with our Spirit nature.  How could he possibly not be a highly evolved soul?  He's truly my spiritual rock!

2) After Z and I chatted, we hugged, but he made a "correction" to my hug: instead of placing our heads to our left, he switched so our heads were to our rights.  He described this as the better position energetically* and commented that I hug firmly ("with gusto" and openly).  Later that night, as I reflected on the interaction with Z, I recalled that Hubby is a "hugger" - before we ever met, his mode of comforting friends was via hugs, even signing e-mails with "Hugs," where many of us use "Love,"...  And then it dawned on my: what if Hubby designed this personality to purposely be "anchored" in a five-sensory experience because, being so highly evolved, connecting to his Higher Self would be too much for this physical body!

So, I can stop worrying about him - he's making the Shift along with Earth.  Maybe he's physically most of he the time because he's so busy on "the other side." 

Can you feel how much lighter I feel now?  I was ecstatic when I realized Hubby is a Lightworker in his own right and in his own way.

The title of this post started as "Relationships" because I was prompted to come here by Gary Zukav's message and the connection to my conversation with Z.  I added "and Lightworkers" to connect it to the "punchline" of this post - in writing this, I've realized that Lightworkers come in all forms.  Not all Lightworkers look like Lightworkers - Hubby most certainly does not fit the mold of a "typical" Lightworker.  And yet his is one just by being himself.  Yippee!!

Peace and Love,
Serenity Joy

*Hug to the right to avoid entangling energies?  I do have to research that and will post my findings at a later date.

Am I looking too hard?

I feel completely out of sorts...  Not long ago I was so sure of my purpose in being human.  Now I wonder if I'm going to be left behind when the Shift takes place...

Am I really a Lightworker, or am I suffering from an inflated sense of self?  Why can't I "see"? 

I've been reading "The Three Waves of Volunteers" by Dolores Cannon, and the description of the second wave of volunteers resonates with me.  I was so sure just a couple of weeks ago that I am indeed part of this second wave, and thus my primary purpose is to help raise the Earth's vibrational energy by simply being.  But the faith I had found just a couple of weeks ago now eludes me...  Why can't I remember myself in my true nature?  Why am I having such a difficult time now?

I ask the Universe for help: I want to find my faith again.

[From a session with Janine Sousa at Healing Touch]
"What vibrational energy do I need to be to feel connected to Source?  Anything that stands in the way, delete, un-create, destroy across all time, dimension, space, and reality."