Reassessment...

In a previous post I wrote of the 'evidence' I saw that hubby will not be left behind in the upcoming Shift...  I mentioned that to my friend Z (the one who taught me to hug to the right), and he challenged my argument: in his view, the 'evidence' was of me rationalizing hubby's lack of interest in spiritual matters.  Of course I wanted to object right away, but I'm perfectly willing to consider that I may be wrong.

So I challenged myself to open my mind and further consider the possibility that hubby and I are growing apart.  How could I find this work so important, and yet not be able to even talk about it with the one I'm supposed to be sharing my life with?  It was *not* easy to think about this, but I do believe in questioning from time to time whether this relationship still nourishes my spirit. 

In addition to hubby's aversion for "spiritual talk," it seems like he's just going through the motions of life these days: he doesn't actually enjoy anything he does.  He spends most of his free time at the computer, playing Dungeons and Dragons Online (DDO) with a group of friends.  But even though he really enjoys Role Playing Games (RPGs), he doesn't seem to have fun much of the time because the other players' gaming style bugs him.  And this lack of enjoyment had a direct impact on me the day we attended a friend's wedding: I wore a dress that I personally thought looked very nice, but he didn't say anything about it.  He was annoyed at me because my "stuff" was all over part of the house and he was having trouble walking around it (I admit - I'm a slob), but he hadn't said anything to me so I didn't realize how much it bothered him.  I've been busy with work, and it bothers me as well that my "stuff" is everywhere, but most of the time I assume he's being understanding because I'm working on a very challenging project at work.

I looked within myself and determined that I have to speak up.  The focus in my life now is to raise my vibrational energy and enjoy every single moment of my human experience.  In order to remain married to hubby and have a relatively peaceful co-existence, I would need to suspend all that I'm learning and working towards so I could meet him at his lower vibrational level.  In this case, because we're talking about the vibrational frequency of energy, it literally would entail "lowering myself to his level."  NOTE: I am not judging him or his behavior, but in terms of hertz (i.e. cycles per second), I am indeed going for a higher (bigger) number and he's staying at a lower (smaller) number.

I worked up the courage to talk to him honestly and openly.  I let him know that I want to share with him all this "new age" stuff that I'm "into" because I'm working towards making that an integral part of my life.  To work on my spiritual growth yet not be able to talk to him about it at all would be living a two-faced reality in my book, and that is simply something I am not capable of doing.

Long story short, we're getting there.  While he's still very much averse to talking "spiritual shop" with me, at least he seems more engaged in life now.  I'm evaluating if maybe there is a way to be life partners even if he's not interested in New Age topics: it's possible that pursuing happiness or some sort of joy in life could raise his vibrational frequency to a "half-way" point where we can meet.

Regardless, I'm not keeping my spiritual pursuits to myself any longer: there is way too much evidence, and I need to embrace my role as a Lightworker :-D.

Peace and Love,
Serenity Joy