Why am I not extraordinary?

For as long as I can recall, I've wished to somehow be "extraordinary."

1) As a young girl, I wondered why the Virgin Mary didn't appear to me - wasn't I good enough?  I tried so hard to "pray right" - to prevent my thoughts from wandering and think carefully about each word in the three prayers I said nightly so that I could actually mean it.

2) As a young adult, I thought my life was sufficiently "interesting in a messed up way" that I would be a Psychology case study.

3) When I first started my Spiritual Studies, I wished so badly to have "psychic abilities" (I guess that goes hand-in-hand with #1).

4) When I read about past lives and aliens, I tried to "will" in me the ability to move across space, time, dimensions, and realities to remember.

I've taken courses and read books on a variety of topics on the human experience, and these are some of the things I believe without hesitation:
- Human form is a manifestation of my true nature as pure Energy
- Energy can take on many forms and vibrates at numerous frequencies
- Higher vibrational frequencies are "felt:" the higher the frequency, the lighter the feeling (and vice-versa)
- Human form is not the only form I've taken: I have manifested in physical form on other world(s)
- Spiritual Guides, Ascended Master, and alien species are all real to me, although I have no proof of this other than their existence makes sense to me
- Earth is a living being and she is making a transition in energy

It's not my intent to list all my beliefs here, just to set the tone for the rest of this post.

So if I do believe all these things, why am I not able to see these things my own eyes?  Why can't I remember past lives or experiences aboard space crafts?  Why don't I see "apparitions" of my guides?  Why can't I see auras?  What am I not extraordinary?

All the courses I've taken and books I've read focus on "the other side" and how to "rise above" the human experience and its suffering.  I've tried to be enlightened and Zen about this whole living thing, but it just doesn't work for me.  So what am I doing wrong?

Well, maybe I'm not *meant* to be enlightened and Zen about being human; maybe my job is to be fully present in this human experience.  What if I don't have to be fully Zen and always "Miss Perfect who does no wrong"?  What if I'm supposed to be just like everyone else in this sense.  I like this... I officially give myself permission to be fully human, meaning:
- It's ok to be judgmental of other drivers, so long as they and I stay safe (no giving the finger just because their driving sucks)
- It's ok to need external validation once in a while - it's human nature!!
- It's so very ok to indulge in yummy fried food or meaty morsels - no vegetarian, raw, and/or liquid diets for me!

At the same time, I recognize and embrace my role in this time and place as:
- Bridge: I am human so that I can connect other humans
- Filter: I draw energy from Source, convert it to "humanphilic" form, and radiate it

So, that's why I'm not extraordinary - at least in the way I was looking to be.

Peace and Love,
Serenity Joy